▸ You're my flashlight ... ♬
Saturday, May 16, 2015
♥ posted at: @2:19 PM


When tomorrow comes
I'll be on my own
Feeling frightened up
The things that I don't know
When tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes
Tomorrow comes

And though the road is long
I look up to the sky
In the dark I found, I stop and I won't fly
And I sing along, I sing along, then I sing along

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Cause you're my flash light
You're my flash light, you're my flash light

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top
I'm not the afraid when the rain won't stop
Cause you light the way
You light the way, you light the way

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes
Can't lie, it's a sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight
You're gettin' me, gettin' me through the night
Cause you're my flash light
You're my flash light, you're my flash light

-Flashlight by Jessie J.

For my loved ones. I love you so much that it hurts. Three years with you have been a great journey. If our journey ends here, it would be painful to me as much as it does to you, even though I'm the one who says "Goodbye". 

I lied when I say I can live without you. I'm not that strong. I lied when I say I hate you. I love you more than my life. I lied when I say I won't miss you. I would die for missing you so much. I lied when I say I won't stopping you from leaving me. I'm screaming in my heart, saying no, begging no, please don't walk away from me. I lied to both of us, you, and I. I've never imagined my life with somebody else other than you.

My love, I wish for a better us. I want to go through all the hardship of life with you, as my husband. I want us to change all "dosa" to "pahala". I wish for a simple ceremony, even with only 'akad nikah', I'm already satisfied. As long as I'm halal for you, for forever. 

My old self, yes I dreamed a grand weds. But now, I'm changing. To a better one, hopefully. Why can't you see that I want to be closer to you in a better way? Why can't you agree with me? You'd rather lose me than take me into your life officially? Why? Can't you see I'm suffering now, losing you from my life kills me slowly.

I felt like I'm the only one who's desperately want to be in your life officially, and you aren't. Is it true, dear? Why can't I be one of your dreams?

Please, stop my tears.

▸ Full of crap ... ♬
Saturday, April 26, 2014
♥ posted at: @7:47 PM


Assalamualaikum..

It's getting near. The day that I'm suppose to be happy, enjoy it and have a blast! but now, I'm full of bad, unhappy thought. Full of crap. I'm so scared to face that day, that date. scared it wont be like what I expected, what I want. I guess my expectation really high huh? so it really difficult to reach it. On a special day like that, there's always big fight, tears. I hate it. Hate it so much! It's gonna be opposite to my hopes and wishes. Especially from him. From people that said they love me. For once in my life, I want to skip that day. I hope it will come and go fast till I wont notice it at all.




Yeah. you left them to die in my heart. without effort. without passion. without excitement. eventually they will die.

▸ Final Exam Sem 3~ ... ♬
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
♥ posted at: @12:44 AM


Ohh. Puas ku pikirin, tak tercapai nama/link baru untuk blog ni. Haha. Takpe lah. I'll keep it like this. Lagipun sekarang kan musim exam. So, takde keje nya budak-budak fizik tu nak search blog ni. huhuhu. 

Tadi dah lepas satu paper ; Technical Writing. Another 4 K.I.L.L.E.R paper to go. Aigooooo~



GOOD LUCK TO ME, MY LOVE, MY FRIENDS
for our exam!
Go on and 'beat' the papers hard enough
and get the DL proudly!
May Allah always bless us all.
:))


▸ Semester 3. DONE! ... ♬
Friday, December 27, 2013
♥ posted at: @2:12 AM


Assalamualaikum..

Macam semester lepas. Aku akan buat review gambar-gambar through out the whole semester. So, here we go..



Semester ni aku start duduk luar. A rental house. 
So, ni lah housemates akuuuuu~ Except the one with glasses tu. 
Tu sesat tu. hehe.

If anyone ask me how to learn be an independent person,
I will tell him/her
"Go out from you parents house/residential/etc.
Try live on your own.
Manage your money, laundry, transportation, foods, studies, etc by your OWN.
Only then, you'll know how to be an independent person."






Alhamdulillah.
Semester ni Alhamdulillah aku dapat masuk dalam dean list.
Tips belajar? none.
It's all about rezeki. 
Aku rasa aku usahakan sama seperti sem2 yang lepas.
Takde pun aku pulun study habis-habisan untuk DL ni. Sederhana semua.
Cuma rezeki aku lebih sem ni. Allah beri.
Alhamdulillah.




Town & Gown UTHM 2013
Masa ni terserempak dengan 2 orang exchanged students.
Import daripada Jepun tauuuuu.
Kei & Youhei.
Siap pakai Yukata lagikkkk.
Memang wajib la ambil gambar dengan dyeorg kan.
Padahal masa ni, Ainan Tasneem yang retis tu tengah buat persembahan.
haha. 



Hang out dengan dyeorg!
Memandangkan Kei&Youhei foreigner,
of course lah kena speaking berabokk dengan dyeorg kan.
So, memang pergerakan kteorg pada hari itu sangat lambat.
Kena terangkan satu-satu so that they understand us.
Pernah sekali tu, just nak tanya dyeorg tak rindu a.k.a miss their family&friends ke?
Nak terangkan perkataan Miss tu pun gilaaaa lamaaa.
dyeorg tak berapa faham english.
and maybe our *means malay slang a little bit different.
Tapi, seronok tau. Bukan senang dapat berkomunikasi dengan orang Jepun
or any other foreigner.




Program Legasi Fizik bersama Junior2.
Sebagai yang sulung memang our responsibility la kan 
untuk trow out event like this.
Just to get a step closer among us and also with the juniors.
Alhamdulillah. 
Semua berjalan dengan lancar.
Yang pastinya, jangan pandang budak physic hanya tahu baca buku, buat kira-kira je.
Rupa-rupanya banyakkkkk retis dalam ni.
Senior ke Junior ke ramai yang berbakat menyanyi hokehhhh.
huhuhu.




Semester ni jugak, aku start
my DIETTTT!
Mana tak nya, kalau berat hampir cecah 50,
sendiri mau paham la yaaa.
Plus, aku mula berjinak-jinak dengan exercise, workout.
Tapi.. dah dekat sebulan tinggal. hehe.





Project Electronic untuk semester ni.
Ultrasonic Motion Detector.
Simple je aku&Syera buat.
Alhamdulillah.. 
Siap before due date and berfungsi.
Time buat project ni, tetiba timbul minat pulak.
Jatuh hati pulak dengan kerja-kerja pasang litar ni.
hehe. Entah lah.
Aku masih belum decide nak majoring in what future nanti.






Pantai Minyak Beku.
Akhirnya sem ni, sampai jugak kteorg ke pantai ni.
Takde apa pun. Alang2 dah duduk kat BP tak kan lah, tak nak jejakkan kaki ke situ kan.
Pantai ni lebih kurang sangattttt dengan Pengkalan Balak.
So, memang mengingatkan aku sangatttt dengan KMM okay.
ahh.. Rinduuuuu! 




Just like the last sem. 
Mesti ada gambar dengan makcik sorang ni kan.
Kebetulan jee.
Lepas ambil gambar perasan last sem pun macam ni.
Memang takde jodoh gambar sesama awal2 sem la Mona.
hehehe.

Dengan itu, aku mengumumkan TAMAT lah SEMESTER KE-3 aku di UTHM ni. Alhamdulillah for whatever happened through out this semester. Sekarang tinggal nak fight dengan final exam je. JE ya Zaty. Study pun tak lagi nih. Aigoooooo~ InsyaAllah Allah may ease everything. :))

▸ This blog is under constructions ... ♬
Thursday, December 26, 2013
♥ posted at: @7:48 PM


Assalamualaikum..

Ehhh kerajinan datang mendadak nampak. Bukan rajin study ya. Rajin update blog je. hehe. Ahh sekarang hangat cerita classmate dok stalk sesiapa budak kelas yang hadoo blog. Hangat bagi dyeorg tapi hangit bagi orang-orang macam aku ni. aduhh. 

So, buat masa sekarang aku private kan dahulu blog ni. Bukan tak mahu pamerkan. Bukan tak mahu berkongsi. Aku malu mungkin. Malu dengan diri aku yang masa silam yang terpapar di blog ni. Yelah. Blog ni usia pun dah cecah 4 tahun 4 bulan. Dari aku bergelar budak sekolah, hingga kini mahasiswi. Dari mengeja 'ew-ew', laa ni Alhamdulillah mengeja penuh dah. Dari bahasa ku tak terjaga, hingga kini dah bertapisss sikit la. haha. Aku nak padam. Tapi untuk apa? Itu semua kan diri aku juga. Diri aku yang dulu. Semua tu pengajaran untuk diri aku yang sekarang. 

Tapi, aku masih malu lah kalau orang yang kenal aku yang sekarang ni, nampak macam mana zaman silam aku. ahh tak ready lagi kot. Lagi pun, cukup lah aku pernah bergaduh-bertekak dengan classmate disebabkan blog. Apa yang aku tulis, mungkin tak semua akan setuju, tak semua akan terima. Tapi sesungguhnya lah, di blog ni lah tempat yang korang boleh nampak kejujuran aku 99%. 1% lagi tu hilang bila ada hati yang terpaksa aku jaga. But people will always judging us. ALWAYS.

Mungkin lepas ni, aku akan tukar link blog ni. Untuk mengelakkan salah faham, kecik hati, etc berlaku. Hati manusia ni kan mudah tersentuh. Until I get a new name/link for my blog, it will be private. ohh mai. TAK SERONOKNYAAAAAA! 

My last words for today ;



▸ Azam tahun baru. Takde lah awal sangat kan? ... ♬
♥ posted at: @3:03 AM


Assalamualaikum..

Tahun 2013 akan melabuhkan tirainya tak lama je lagi. Tahun 2014 pula bakal menjelma dengan seribu tanda tanya. Tahun baru semestinya berkaitan dengan azam kan? Anis, bukan Azam hang ya. haha. percaya tak aku sekali pun tak pernah pasang apa-apa azam tiap kali tahun baru. Azam hanya dicanang dibibir bukan terukir dihati. Tu bukan azam namanya. 

Well, for the first time in my life, aku akan pasang beberapa azam pada tahun baru yang akan datang ni.

First thing is my final. I'm gonna do my best and get in dean list once again. InsyaAllah. Second, I'm gonna try to diet and maintain my workout everyday like SERIOUSLY. *muka serius ni* Third, aku plan nak deco bedroom aku. Macam nieeeee ; 


or


or


or



Well, my room is totally not like in those pictures. Tapi, still aku akan cuba yang the best! 

Okay, setakat ni tu je lah azam aku. Nothing much. Nothing big. Aku suka life yang simple and just follow the flows. Just try get whatever I want. And the result? Just put it at back first and accept whatever it is. 

Ohh it's 3 am now. Nite peeps.

▸ corat-coret 1 a.m ... ♬
Saturday, November 30, 2013
♥ posted at: @1:15 AM


Assalamualaikum..

macam biasa lah memang liatttt sangat aku nak buka blog ni and update. currently, I'm still in my third semester in UTHM. juggling all the project, assignment and test in my mind. urgh! soooooooo tired. I think I really needs a vacation now. Suddenly disappear to unknown place. new place. could be nice though. but a little bit crazy. If I want to be killed by my mother, I'll do that. haha.

Malam ni aku nak lari sikit daripada topic about my studies. Okay. aku noticed people around aku semua dok bercakap pasal kahwin, bertunang, dah kena risik lah. Aku? still like this. with him. talk about love. weekend dating. and I'll be doing these things for several years? OMG. suddenly I get scared if I'll ever get bored and our relationship that we have build for these years would be end just like that. Semua kata-kata tu sentiasa bermain dalam fikiran aku when people start talking about marriage. Siapa yang tak nak kahwin? of course aku sendiri nak. But we are not ready yet. urgh. Susah. 

Marriage is a BIG thing. really BIG. We need a lots of commitment. Besides that, ourselves also needs to be ready for the responsible, changes of life style, our attitude towards our partner, etc. Money? of course that one of the most important thing according to our life nowadays. 

Bila aku reflect diri aku, diri dia, seriously, we can't be married in short period. A lots a changes will be needed. Aku still tak boleh kuasai kebolehan basic perempuan; memasak, bangun pagi, kemas rumah, etc. Aku masih dengan perangai keras kepala aku, baran aku towards him. dan Aku still tak boleh berdikari pergi ke sana-sini secara sendirian. 

Dia pula masih dengan attitude suka merendahkan diri sendiri. you know, rendah diri dengan merendahkan diri sendiri tersangat lah lain. and I really hates the second one. It's annoying okay. It will make you feel down and it also affect people around you. So please get your head up and tell the world that you are fine, you'll never give up and you'll try harder no matter what happen, no matter what other people say. Character diri dia yang lain just fine. sweet, loyal, kind, tak pernah baran dengan aku, and he's one of a man that knows about his responsibility towards his family, studies and relationship. Cuma perangai dia yang satu tu je aku tak boleh terima. 

Perempuan ni memang asalnya pun dah lemah. luaran memang nampak kuat. tapi dalaman masih lemah. and that including me. So, kalau dia lemah, aku pun lemah, apa akan jadi pada hubungan kitaorang?

Bila cakap pasal kahwin, memang menda-menda ni lah yang aku akan fikir. yeah, also the money problem. We are just not ready yet. Tapi untuk terus kan hubungan kitaorang macam sekarang for another several years, I dont know. Honestly, aku memang selalu fikirkan dosa-dosa. Dalam relationship with someone, tipu lah kalau tak ada buat dosa langsung. but it cant be help. Iman masih belum kuat untuk aku putuskan hubungan ni and then tunggu dia masuk meminang dalam masa 6-8 tahun akan datang. Itu pun kalau betul dia jodoh aku kan. Hati meronta-ronta untuk berubah. tapi.. entah lah. aku masih menunggu peluang, perhaps? 

p/s : seronoknya tengok kawan-kawan yang dah mampu untuk berkahwin. ya Allah, percepatkanlah dan permudahkanlah segalanya. Amin.



Hope so.


▸ Cerita Semester Break ... ♬
Saturday, October 5, 2013
♥ posted at: @12:52 AM


Assalamualaikum..

Woah! my last post was on 18th June and we're now in early October. Seriously, banyak nak kena catch up story ni. Haha. But, where should I begin with?

Okay. Lets begin with my semester break. Bulan 7 aku dah start cuti tau. For 2 month. mula-mula gila kerek cakap dengan kawan-kawan, konon nak kerja lah. Cari nafkah sikit lah. But I end up with just kerja duduk rumah, jaga perut je. Haha. for the first month of my semester break tu, memang aku jadi zombie lah. Tak perlu sesak-sesak fikir nak buat apa sepanjang hari. Bangun tidur, cari makanan, watch movies sampai pukul 3-4 pagi, sleep, then repeat the whole things again. Nikmat kan. Tapi, dalam cuti ni jugak, aku mula berjinak-jinak dengan 2 benda ; Running Man and Twitter. durhhh. 2 benda yang sememangnya aku rasa yakin TIDAK akan pernah terjebak. -,-

Dah-dah nak cerita pasal raya pulak nih. Tapi, aku nak cerita dalam bentuk gambar.



Tema tahun ni, warna turquoise + pink!


dan macam biasa lah,
hari raya pertama lagi si dia + his family
dah selamat bertandang ke rumah.
hehehe.


Raya kedua.
time ni tengah bersiap-siap nak pergi Seremban.


  

aku kalau beraya memang raya pertama-kedua je dengan family.
selebihnya dengan member-member lah.
tapi raya tahun ni memang menyedihkan sikit lah. 
bila call member-member sekolah, kata nak datang beraya kat rumah,
semua kata tak ada kat rumah, ada sedara, etc.
so, at the end, aku dengan budak 3 org ni pergi jenjalan kat mall je lah.
senang cerita kan. haha. dengan baju raya nya.
next year, aku nak diam je. malas dah nak call-call orang.
orang bukan nya nak datang rumah kita, kita yang selalu concern nak ziarah rumah dyeorg.
:'(


wee~ ni lah jamuan after raya! huhuhu.
setiap tahun, we never failed to go to Seoul Garden.
ahh.. tengok gambar ni, tetiba lapar tengah-tengah malam nih.


tu, makcik baju putih tuh. 
hari last cuti dia baruuuu dapat jumpa. adehhhh.
memang busy lah memanjang dia.
huhu. sedih tau.
tapi nasib baik still dapat jumpa.

Cukup lah dengan cerita-cerita gembira masa raya. sekarang aku nak cerita about my mama. 2 minggu selepas raya, mama sakit. masuk hospital. kena operate. seriously, aku shock gila kot. yela, tak pernah rasa ada ahli keluarga yang kena masuk hospital, operate bagai kan. ini kan pulak the only mother that I had. 
operation untuk buang kelenjar peluh yang dah bengkak and pecah kat bahagian belakang mama. punca kelenjar peluh tu bengkak, sebab masa bulan puasa, mama demam teruk. but doc bagi ubat biasa je tanpa sebarang antibiotik. so, kelenjar peluh tu dah terkena jangkitan kuman. and at the end, pecah, nanah bagai. 

Masa malam yang mama nak gi operate, aku rasa lonely gila. sensorang tunggu sampai operation tu selesai. memang minor operation je. but that was my first experience. and yeah, I cried. dan time tu lah aku dok meroyan kat twitter. wishing some of my friends would pay attention to me. because truly, I need someone be with me at that moment. aku nampak siapa sahabat sejati aku malam tu. 

For 3 days in the hospital, aku cuba yang terbaik untuk jadi anak yang berguna untuk mama. segala apa yang dia nak aku turutkan. maybe I want to pay for everything she's ever done for me and everything I'd ever done to make her hurt before. tapi.. still, I'm not good enough. aku tak boleh drive. 

Dalam dia sakit-sakit tu pun, dia kena drive sendiri untuk pergi hospital. and after that, she had to be worried about the car that we park at the parking lot. bahaya kan tinggalkan hospital. kalau aku boleh drive, aku boleh hantar sendiri kereta tu ke rumah tanpa menyusahkan sesiapa. tapi, aku tak boleh. useless right? masa nak balik ke rumah lepas discharged pun, nasib baik kakak baby, kak sab boleh tolong ambil. seriously aku bersyukur sangat aku jumpa kawan-kawan macam dyeorg. ahh again, I'm feeling down. 

Sekarang, Alhamdulillah. mama makin okay. daging yang baru pun dah mula tumbuh balik kat tempat yang operate tu. aku rasa aku pun makin berubah bila berlaku perkara yang macam ni. you know, berubah jadi a better person. better daughter. ujian ni Allah bagi sebab nak hapus dosa, nak bagi pengajaran dan tak akan melebihi kemampuan kita. Alhamdulillah.



Pray for her health. TQ. =)


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