▸ corat-coret 1 a.m ... ♬
Saturday, November 30, 2013
♥ posted at: @1:15 AM

Assalamualaikum..

 macam biasa lah memang liatttt sangat aku nak buka blog ni and update. currently, I'm still in my third semester in UTHM. juggling all the project, assignment and test in my mind. urgh! soooooooo tired. I think I really needs a vacation now. Suddenly disappear to unknown place. new place. could be nice though. but a little bit crazy. If I want to be killed by my mother, I'll do that. haha.

 Malam ni aku nak lari sikit daripada topic about my studies. Okay. aku noticed people around aku semua dok bercakap pasal kahwin, bertunang, dah kena risik lah. Aku? still like this. with him. talk about love. weekend dating. and I'll be doing these things for several years? OMG. suddenly I get scared if I'll ever get bored and our relationship that we have build for these years would be end just like that. Semua kata-kata tu sentiasa bermain dalam fikiran aku when people start talking about marriage. Siapa yang tak nak kahwin? of course aku sendiri nak. But we are not ready yet. urgh. Susah. 

 Marriage is a BIG thing. really BIG. We need a lots of commitment. Besides that, ourselves also needs to be ready for the responsible, changes of life style, our attitude towards our partner, etc. Money? of course that one of the most important thing according to our life nowadays. 

 Bila aku reflect diri aku, diri dia, seriously, we can't be married in short period. A lots a changes will be needed. Aku still tak boleh kuasai kebolehan basic perempuan; memasak, bangun pagi, kemas rumah, etc. Aku masih dengan perangai keras kepala aku, baran aku towards him. dan Aku still tak boleh berdikari pergi ke sana-sini secara sendirian. 

 Dia pula masih dengan attitude suka merendahkan diri sendiri. you know, rendah diri dengan merendahkan diri sendiri tersangat lah lain. and I really hates the second one. It's annoying okay. It will make you feel down and it also affect people around you. So please get your head up and tell the world that you are fine, you'll never give up and you'll try harder no matter what happen, no matter what other people say. Character diri dia yang lain just fine. sweet, loyal, kind, tak pernah baran dengan aku, and he's one of a man that knows about his responsibility towards his family, studies and relationship. Cuma perangai dia yang satu tu je aku tak boleh terima. 

 Perempuan ni memang asalnya pun dah lemah. luaran memang nampak kuat. tapi dalaman masih lemah. and that including me. So, kalau dia lemah, aku pun lemah, apa akan jadi pada hubungan kitaorang?

 Bila cakap pasal kahwin, memang menda-menda ni lah yang aku akan fikir. yeah, also the money problem. We are just not ready yet. Tapi untuk terus kan hubungan kitaorang macam sekarang for another several years, I dont know. Honestly, aku memang selalu fikirkan dosa-dosa. Dalam relationship with someone, tipu lah kalau tak ada buat dosa langsung. but it cant be help. Iman masih belum kuat untuk aku putuskan hubungan ni and then tunggu dia masuk meminang dalam masa 6-8 tahun akan datang. Itu pun kalau betul dia jodoh aku kan. Hati meronta-ronta untuk berubah. tapi.. entah lah. aku masih menunggu peluang, perhaps? 

 p/s : seronoknya tengok kawan-kawan yang dah mampu untuk berkahwin. ya Allah, percepatkanlah dan permudahkanlah segalanya. Amin.

Hope so.


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